Man, I'm so dopey today you guys!
I can't think properly xD
I even said things that made no sense to me!
You guys might think that's normal but it was like
10x's worse or something >.>
BUT ALL GOOD, after training i went to maccas
and..
and..
ATE A CHEESE BURGER, A DOUBLE QUATER POUNDER, A 3RD OF AN APPLE PIE, AND HALF OF THE LARGE FLIES AND LARGE COKE
AND NOW...
:D my stomach's bloated, and i don't feel dopey anymore - maybe i just needed something REALLY REALLY fattening? xD
______________
On a complete different note.
Sophia, It's all up to you, whether you want to delete this blog or not.
Really, if it makes you uncomfortable or someother negative feeling then really, I don't want it either - but I do admit that I have a feeling deep, deep, down of pity for our group. In some ways I want to hold on, yet I feel as if I should let go[?]
It's all good, I just found it somewhat a shock, that this is gone tomorrow [?, or is it, since it was crossed out]. I suppose that yes, I have been busy, my life I know is definately unbalance - I'm still trying to work around that, sometimes I think too slowly for my own good though.
I even find days when I don't want to post on the blog. Mmmm.
Truely, I believe, that I'm not a perfect friend. >.> possibly far from perfect.
I'm sitting here right now and wondering, why we can't say the things we say on the blog directly to each other - maybe each of us has a personal and a different reason. I have things to say, but as always thought that I haven't felt the need to say it. Right now though, I think the reason why I don't say the things I do is because, none of us is going deep with each other - not saying that single people are to blame [they're incidents in the past where, I know people have tried though - maybe I didn't appreciate it enough then], I just think because of coincedental circumstances, it's just like that [if that makes any sense]
Let me give an example.
Sorry, Lene, you might believe that I'm picking on you, but really, your situation [and it's also all of ours] is just the latest I can think of and everyone can relate.
When you told me that you're leaving N-ic, I was casual [and perhaps that was my fault and that made you think that I didn't really care - but really, I saw it coming, it's in your eye movements when you sit with us, it's in your jestures when you say hello in the morning] - you just simply said that you're leaving, and you gave a simple reason to why you're leaving.
Really, I felt disapointed if that was all there was to say, I expected examples, critisism, something - hence my answer was bland and nothing new. Really, there seemed like nothing to be sorted out between us. From the conversation I heard in the gaps between your speech, 'there's no cure for our illness' and so I gave a dismissive hand to the situation and you left for the library.
Later on the day, Sana and I saw each other [I can't quite remember when but I remember the conversation]. We talked as normal and she brought up the subject. She asked me, 'What does she mean, when she said she wanted to leave N-ic?' I blandly told her something along the lines of, 'Well, N-ic represents our bonds yea? I suppose by saying she wants to leave N-ic, she means she doesn't want those bonds anymore.'
Sana asked the question again [I wonder if she realised o.o], I can't remember what I said after, but I remember it to be somewhat bland too.
Right there, I could have said so much more.
I could have talked about making things better, I could have talked about the deeper things, the things the could get us through.
But we didn't say anymore.
That was just an example, before I get flamed, I'm not targeting anyone - just trying to make you guys understand a little more at what I'm trying to get at.
Mmmm.
That's enough for tonight.
OVER AND OUT
AVI
Labels: AVI
